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[Goldenrod is a pretty familiar sight by now to a lot of people. Church films his approach for several steps and takes a deep breath.] Ah, the sweet smell of civilization again. [He continues to walk and talk, looking around the city.] I mean, don't get me wrong, this walk wasn't as long as the one to Azalea--which, spoilers, fuck that--but jesus christ do I sometimes miss sitting in a stupid god damn canyon with nowhere to go except...across the canyon.

Anyway, so I'm here in the city people apparently congregate and talk about like it's fucking Hollywood or New York or something. I was, uh, I was gonna make a joke about streets paved with gold, but as it's called Goldenrod and things are very...gold-ish in color, that joke doesn't seem to hold any water. Awesome.

As I'm supposed to be meeting someone here [tucker] and he didn't really give a location other than this city [tucker], if anyone needs me, I'll be hanging out as the pokecenter. I can't believe I'm already starting to get used to adding 'poke-' to the start of words. But I'll be there, hanging out with my team, get them rested and relaxed, and, have I mentioned that carrying only six and having anyone else you catch fucking magically download to a computer is not only bullshit, but creepy bullshit?

Because it is. Oh hey look! [There is the pokecenter.] Yeah, so. I'll be there. I want to say I won't be hard to miss, since I'll be the extremely devilishly handsome one, but I'm pretty sure I'll get mocked even though I'm right.

[action]

[And there he is, sitting on a bench with various poke-critters around him, chatting with them or keeping them from wandering off Richard and occasionally looking around to see if Tucker's come to find him.

Or York. Is it weird he's not actually completely terrified of the idea of another Freelancer running into him? That's fucking weird. But he won't say no to anyone else saying hello. Probably. Maybe.]

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Wait, if you catch more than six pokemon the new ones disappear and download into a computer? How does that work?

literally what I just said if I knew that I prob wouldnt think its creepy bs basically thats what im asking

Oh! Yes, I should have guessed that from what you said. It's just that I only have 4 pokemon right now so I've never seen it happen. What happens when you catch the 7th one?

it vanishes and then its in a computer idk

[Epsilon had an errand to run. Namely pick up his dino-friends favorite chewtoy from the PokéCenter. Seeing a newcomer to the town isn't as uncommon now as it was when he first got here, so the big stranger is ignored. Leaning on the counter, Eps tries to give the woman behind it a charming smile.]

Hey, Nurse Joy. I'm here to pick up my friend.

[The tone should sound very familiar. Almost as if you were hearing your own voice, right?]

I can't wait until I catch my 7th pokemon and I get to see it too! I hope you meet up with a lot of your friends in town!

nothing gets in the way of ur perkyness huh

[Now a lot of people--most people, in fact--would probably take the whole 'hey that voice sounds a whole damn lot like my internal monologue' thing and address that first. Even Dexter's ears perk, lifting his head just a little before stretching and finding a new position to nap in.

So Church, naturally, has to comment as well.] I thought the poke-nurse in Azalea was Joy, too. [On something completely different. But no less odd!] And...looked a lot like her, actually... And, wait, wasn't there a nurse like that in Violet? Holy shit are these like triplets all in the same business?

[Wait how would he know about the other Nurse Joys, he's only been to New Bark and here- OH FUCK THAT WASN'T HIS INNER THOUGHTS.

Epsilon casually turns to the person who had spoken to him. First impression? This guy might possibly be able to break him. Lovely.]

Never been to those places. Maybe they're all clones, or there is some very selective breeding going on.

[This is a little weird. But, to be fair, definitely not the weirdest thing that's happened to him all month. He gives the Mareep he's been petting one final pat and stands, shoving his hands in his pockets and, for once, looking thoughtful.]

Okay, the fact that very selective breeding goes on with mutant critters here is bad enough that to suggest they might do it with people is just plausible enough to be wicked creepy.

And I'd really like to never see another clone again if at all possible in my lifetime. Which, spoilers, is kind of hard to do when you've got a Ditto, and is a very good reason why you keep a Ditto in your computer.

It helps to stay positive and focused on what you enjoy, I think. Just keep dancing and everything will turn out okay in the end!

I dont think ive ever really danced so I gues thats ur thing

I can teach you! Moving the body is good and really helps when stressful situations come up.

so is yelling but thats just me

Do you mean yelling at things or people in particular or just...yelling?

[He looks down at his feet as a rather happy looking Glameow joins him.]

At least they didn't breed in flat faces on the cats.

[Ditto? As in "same" or a creature with that actual name? That.... Nope. He doesn't wasn't to know. Not if it involves clones.]

I'll take your word for that. This world is fucked up enough was it is. I don't want something turning into me and making things worse.

[He hasn't checked the gear yet, just woke up and continued his search for A Place To Live that isn't the hotel. So he doesn't blink twice at a guy on a bench with his pokemon. But the voice is more what stops him to have a second look.

Church was already here though? Or-- Oh fuck. It finally happened.]

Church?

little of a little of b but mostly a

[The question is how long they're going to dance around the obvious issue here. Because Church is willing to dance all damn day. Buuuut it's the 'turning into me and making things worse' line that makes him think maybe, just maybe, he should be the one to say it. He motions a hand between them.]

Okay, is this weird to anyone else but me? This is weird, right? This voicebox copy bs. Cuz I think it's a little weird, but if you don't think it's weird, I'll let it drop.

[He's deep in conversation with his Buizel about how it's not a good idea to go trying to take apart complicated machines to try and figure out how they work, especially when those machines are in use and you are a water type you will get electrocuted.

But he stops midsentence and looks up and god he hasn't been this glad to see Tucker ever.]

Tucker! [For real, super happy. He gets to his feet and looks like he could hug him but won't because he's Too Cool For That.] About damn time. I was an hour away from just calling you and saying what up.

[Who wouldn't want to hug this guy though? Look at him. Come on. Okay but actually don't do that. His Honedge is trailing a little around his legs and looking between them both skeptically.]

Only an hour? Surprised you didn't leave a couple hundred voicemails the second you got here.

[Fuck it's weird hearing that specific tone of Church voice in person again after... what? Years? Epsilon's close but not the real deal.] Glad you didn't die out there.

[Wait shit abort mission.]

[... To lie, divert, or tell the truth. The first two leave a sour taste in his mouth. So the truth it is.]

Depends. You promise not to hit me? And if you do, not in the face? I like my face.

...Wow, that's not ominous or anything. Do I seriously sound like that? [He crosses his arms across his chest. Dumbass, shouldn't have said anything. Always go for the banter as long as possible.] Not keen on making any promises to pseudo-strangers.

Psh, come on. I'm a grown ghost, I can take care of myself without having to run to anyone. Fourteen months alone on a base and I managed not to die a single time! [With enough boredom, though, he definitely considered it just to break up the monotony, but alas, no more robot bodies. And he likes physical bodies, damn it. He pretty well likes this body, actually.] I mean, helps that I've got some mutated radioactive wasteland animals as friends like I'm fucking Snow White.

Let's just say at this rate I'm going to look like a fucking smurf with all the bruises I'm getting. [Seems like every night someone rearranges the furniture in his room... actually, no, that might just be happening.] I'd rather not add more.

So what you're saying is we should just keep ignoring this and talk about weirdly bred animals and sister-twin nurses.

That's what adults in awkward situations do. Believe me, if I was in your shoes, I wouldn't believe anything that would come out of my mouth if you want the truth.

Okay, see, there is no way I'm that cryptic or annoying. I don't think even Tucker would say that about me.

Well I mean you probably wouldn't wanna do that, Snow White is like fourteen or something in the story so definitely don't do that.

[TUCKER THAT'S NOT THE POINT.]

The hell did you get all these anyway? Because there's no fucking way you caught them all on purpose.

Tucker. [Ew gross why did you go in that direction oh right because you're Tucker.]

What, my pokemon mutant creatures from small children's nightmares? GAST! You especially count, don't even start. And anyway I sure as hell didn't trip over them.

...Over most of them.

Only all of them, right?

Psh, no! I didn't trip on Slimer. He just kept haunting my room until I let him come along. And I didn't trip on Woolite. I just...took a nap on her and she came along. And so on!

I have a Ditto. That one I did trip on, but only because it was disguised as a rock, so I feel perfectly justified in that.

Okay Ditto is kinda hard to come by so definitely keep that one, that's useful as hell from what I understand.

The others sound like a pain in the ass. But I was right, you didn't intentionally catch them.

I don't run around snatching up feral cats or lost puppies and hoard them, so. I don't know why it's a different thing here. [He's not going to talk about the Sunkern that knocked him out from the sky, or how Richard the Buizel was dumb enough to snatch a shiny round object to play with and caught himself.

And we don't talk about trying to catch a giant rock monster and instead ending up with an army of disgruntled bats.]

What have you been getting?

I got Swish here [the floating sword still eyeing Church warily around Tucker's leg], and a couple cats from York.

[None from the wild. Because what the fuck, Church.]

Edited (TOO SMALL) 2016-05-13 18:03 (UTC)

[Well when you have to WALK ALL THE WAY that is filled with WILD CREATURES and INTENSE TRAINERS with top percentages of ratattas and dumb bugcatching shorts...]

York's been telling me some things about Wash that I totally don't think I can believe. He named a sparklecat after the psycho. That's just not an association I make. [And he's been in Wash's head. Granted, neither of them were thinking about fuzzy kittens at the time. Plus, holy fuck, it was a mess in there. Maybe don't think about that!]

Your sentient floating sword doesn't seem to like me.

My sentient floating sword barely likes me. [Just to prove it, Swish thwaps Tucker's leg with its sash, like it does when Tucker says something stupid.]

Found a place to stay yet?

Eh, Andy the disgruntled sentient giant pokeball barely likes me, too. I think they gave me the wrong mutated critter when they were handing them out. [Thankfully for him, Andy's cozied up in Woolite's fuzziness, sparking gently. If a Voltorb can do anything gently. (It can't.)]

Uh, I mean, it hasn't been that long since I got here, and I wanted to make sure my guys were in good shape. So. Figured I'd just grab a hotel like I've been doing.

[Fine. Fine. Just. Fine. Here goes.] My name's Epsilon. I don't know if you know anything about me, but I know about you. Hell, everyone knows about you. You're Church. The Church. Fuck, Caboose practically worships you.

Epsilon.

As in, didn't get turned over to the authorities, tin can stolen by the gang and just kept, replaced me entirely Epsilon.

Replaced me. Epsilon. That Epsilon.

Hey! I didn't fucking ask to replace you. Blame Caboose. He's the one who was so damn traumatized by your disappearance that he became obsessed with getting you back. He stuck me in a floating eyeball-looking artifact. Yes, the laser was sweet, getting worshiped like a god was amazing, but it was still an eyeball.

Be glad they liked you enough to want you back that badly.

Edited (oops html) 2016-05-14 17:48 (UTC)

And I didn't ask to get replaced! It's not like I did anything to make Caboose even creepier and more obsessive than normal! Except die, I guess. You were supposed to fix things!

He thinks of you, and me, as his best friend! Of course he'd want to you back.

[Oh no fuck you too Alpha.] I DID FIX THINGS. I did more for them than you did. I helped them defeat Tex and let her finally die, found the director, and left them on an alien planet where they can go back to whatever the fuck they were doing back in Blood Gulch. Washington isn't as big of a dick as you thought, and Carolina isn't looking to kill everyone now. Hell, even the Red's like me better than you. You were an asshole to them. Plain and simple.

[Epsilon goes off, and this is one of those moments where Church really misses having a helmet for a face. Blocks facial expressions. So he can't hide how each point startles him or shocks him into silence or angers him or confuses him. There's so much he doesn't understand because he wasn't there, because apparently he's dead, and some Caboose-made version of him is somehow better.

And Tex is dead. There's that, again.

It's like everything he didn't want to ask Tucker literally staring him in the face. He stares back for a long minute before rigidly leaning in, fury tinting his features.]

Hey, if everything you know about me is from fucking Caboose, then you don't know shit about me or what I did for them! Who the fuck do you think you really are to talk shit about me like that, huh?!

Everyone told me how much of a dick you were. Isn't wasn't just Caboose. Sarge, Grif, Simmons, Tucker, they all told me things about what you did and didn't do for them. And I did remember things. You wanna know what makes me special? I'm the Director's memories. I'm what they took from you when you were fragmented. I know everything about who you are, what you are, how much the Director fucked up in his life. I remember what Tex is and who Allison was. I know you're a dick.

So don't you dare tell me again that I know nothing about you.

I'm not--I'm not fragmented. I'm a person and I'm me. I'm a person who's a fucking asshole, so sue me! If you're supposed to be an offshoot of me, then you're an asshole, too!

[Several of his party look up from where they're chilling to watch the situation with varying levels of interest.]

Shut the fuck up about Tex. [The name hurts, the name Allison hurts somewhere deep in such a visceral way he almost stops right there, but he growls through the blaze of pain.] Shut the fuck up. You're not any better than me.

Hey, I know I'm an asshole. [.... he would say "Like father, like son"... would that be creepy or even appropriate?

Meanwhile, his cat does not care. Not unless there's a fight.]

I never said I was better than you! [In his own way he did, but that's beside the point. This situation was getting out of hand rather quickly.] I'm saying I know about you, and that you're a dick.

You absolutely said that, and I could've told you I'm a dick instead of you talking about how much I apparently suck to all of my friends! You really know how to make a fucking impression, don't you, dickweed?

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