[audio]

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

Why aren't there any roads?!

[Hello, world of pokemon. Church is grumpy. You'll find this is normal.] I mean, I get that towns can be small, but come on, did I land in the middle of fucking nowhere?! You've gotta have roads--don't you have cars? Please tell me you have cars. How else do you ship things around, unless this is secretly an advanced civilization and everything's delivered by airships. Or like...drones.

But no, I haven't found a single road yet. It's just forest and dirt paths and tall grass and ledges that I can't seem to be able to hop up???

And, and, these stupid god damn mutant freaks of nature keep wanting to bust a cap in my ass. Thankfully I've got a sentient bowling ball to smack things with its body. Apparently. I got as far as a cave and apparently my electric powered lightning ball can't light anything up for shit, so I thought better of staying in a dark creepy-ass cave because I've seen horror movies, so now I have to go all the way back the way I came and walk--walk!--in the direction of a different town, and do you know what would make this way easier?

That's right. Cars. On roads. To ferry people to and from places without having to walk every god damn where. Shows me what I get when I go toward the first building I see.

In short, I hate this place, I hate your crazy experimental mutant creatures from the depths of every child's nightmares, I hate walking for days, I'm pretty sure if I ever have granola again I'm going to kill myself, and I'm ready to wake up from this stupid fucking hallucination any day now.

Comments

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

Yeah, the Meta. Scary motherfucker. Who was apparently one of yours.

Got Delta. Sorry. On both counts.

[ratherbelocky]

Maine. Yeah. ...Not your fault, dude. Probably we're the ones who should be sorry a bunch of sim troopers got caught up in PFL's shit.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

Do you know how much of my life would not be bullshit right now if it wasn't for Freelancer? [All of it, because then he probably wouldn't exist, or if he did exist, he'd be whole.]

[ratherbelocky]

Okay, in my defense, I'd probably still be alive if it wasn't for Freelancer? Or at least I would have died in a cooler way. Like, after shooting fifty Insurrectionists in freefall off a skyscraper or something. That would've been a much better note to go out on.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

Did your team replace you with a hunk of metal that was vital evidence to bring the Project to justice?

[ratherbelocky]

Not as far as I'm aware, but my team also got me killed in the first place, so.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

Eh, welcome to my world. I get team killed all the time.

[ratherbelocky]

...In a metaphorical way, or?

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

No, in a team killing fucktard way, me standing over my dead body way, got blown up with my own tank the first time way.

[ratherbelocky]

Iiiii'm not used to that being a repeat occurrence.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

You get used to it after a couple of robot bodies.

[ratherbelocky]

Uh...huh. [Uh-huh.] So you're a robot. A robot named Church.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

I'm a ghost who formerly inhabited a series of robot bodies. Named Church. How much clearer can I make it?

[ratherbelocky]

Right, of course. Gotcha.

...

So you're the Alpha.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

That--

I mean, that--that's-- Y'know, that's the same stupid fucked up nonsense bullshit Washington said.

[ratherbelocky]

Yeah? Well, I guess he was there the first time North and I talked about it. What'd he say?

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

He said what you said, which is why I said hey that's the same thing he said. With way more words. There were a lot more words involved but the same end result.

[ratherbelocky]

At least that much hasn't changed, I guess. I was just wondering, anyway. Never thought I'd get to meet the guy all the fuss was about.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

No reason to believe everything Wash says. You probably got the wrong guy.

[ratherbelocky]

Point.

[He really misses Wash. If only he were here to pick on in person.

Anyway, he doesn't need Church to say it. He's pretty sure he's right, no reason to push the dude.]

Still wouldn't have minded getting to know the guy. You know, after everything Tex and North and I tried to do.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

What'd Tex try to do? [Most important part.] And. You and North. My Freelancer history is a little spotty. [To say the least.]

[ratherbelocky]

Oh, you know. Just crashed a whole spaceship trying to rescue him from the Project's evil clutches, fought our own friends, ruined our lives forever...the little stuff.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

Crashing a whole spaceship does sound like Tex. So does fighting her friends and generally ruining lives. [He's not necessarily saying those are bad qualities. But he calls 'em like he sees 'em. It's the doing that for his sake part that's tripping him up and, maybe, putting a few things in perspective.]

Is this you wondering if it was worth it?

[ratherbelocky]

Nah. I already got that answer when Carolina showed up here.

I'm just a naturally curious guy. It's one of those things that makes us human.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

...I can't tell if that was an intentional jab at me or just unfortunate wording.