[audio]

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

Why aren't there any roads?!

[Hello, world of pokemon. Church is grumpy. You'll find this is normal.] I mean, I get that towns can be small, but come on, did I land in the middle of fucking nowhere?! You've gotta have roads--don't you have cars? Please tell me you have cars. How else do you ship things around, unless this is secretly an advanced civilization and everything's delivered by airships. Or like...drones.

But no, I haven't found a single road yet. It's just forest and dirt paths and tall grass and ledges that I can't seem to be able to hop up???

And, and, these stupid god damn mutant freaks of nature keep wanting to bust a cap in my ass. Thankfully I've got a sentient bowling ball to smack things with its body. Apparently. I got as far as a cave and apparently my electric powered lightning ball can't light anything up for shit, so I thought better of staying in a dark creepy-ass cave because I've seen horror movies, so now I have to go all the way back the way I came and walk--walk!--in the direction of a different town, and do you know what would make this way easier?

That's right. Cars. On roads. To ferry people to and from places without having to walk every god damn where. Shows me what I get when I go toward the first building I see.

In short, I hate this place, I hate your crazy experimental mutant creatures from the depths of every child's nightmares, I hate walking for days, I'm pretty sure if I ever have granola again I'm going to kill myself, and I'm ready to wake up from this stupid fucking hallucination any day now.

Comments

[pipers_son]

And that is why you learn ta cook over campfires.

More ya know.

[People who are being unhelpful trolls: Joker.]

perma voice

[dosomethingslacker]

[He wondered where he was. Not that he can tell the difference right away.]

Took you long enough, asshole.

audio

[secondplacing]

...Church. You're kidding me.

[looks like Carolina's walked in fifteen minutes late with Starbucks.]

[Audio]

[ratherbelocky]

You know, if your lightning ball's not working for your adventures in spelunking, I could get you a lightning cat that might do the trick. Once you're back in town, I mean.